Article
The Tanztheater Wuppertal Pina Bausch has, in a way, been given the task of setting new standards, establishing new viewing habits – after all, Pina Bausch was the most innovative choreographer of her generation. For some time now, Naomi Brito has been dancing in Wuppertal - the first trans woman of the Tanztheater. Nicole Strecker met with her and talked to her about a difficult journey of self-discovery in the world of dance.
A childhood in Brazil - what was that like?
N.B.:
I come from Paracuru, a small town in the northeastern part of Brazil, right by the sea. My mother adopted me. I have three sisters, but by the time I joined the family, they were already grown up and moved out.
How did it happen that you were adopted?
N.B.:
I was told that my biological mother already had too many children and there was no room, no money for another person in this family. So my grandmother gave me directly after birth to my aunt and my aunt then gave me to my mother.
So your mother wanted another child after her biological children left?
N.B.:
She finally wanted a son. That had always been her dream.
A dream that you couldn't fulfill, right?
N.B.:
My whole life I have felt like a disappointment. The son my mother wanted was supposed to stay in Brazil and take care of her in her old age. But I couldn't fulfill her dreams at all.
Did you feel like a girl as a child?
N.B.:
I have felt since I was little that I am in the wrong body. That what I see in the mirror is not how I feel. I liked pink, high-heeled shoes, and I wrapped a scarf around my head to pretend I had long hair.
That's why ballet?
N.B.:
No, not at all. As a child, I was constantly dancing to Beyoncé videos. At some point, my mother took me to ballet because she had to work and I was then supervised. At 16, I went to the "Seminario international de Danca", a dance competition in the capital Brasília. I saved for a year for this trip! There, I won a scholarship for the Mannheim Ballet Academy from Birgit Keil. That's how I ended up in Germany.
Who were you for the others back then?
N.B.:
A young gay dancer.
Why didn't you come out earlier?
N.B.:
Because I spent ten years of my life processing a childhood trauma.
What had happened?
N.B.:
I cannot talk about that. But the trauma dominated me at that time much more than the question of who I actually am.
Did dancing help you?
N.B.:
No, it made me terribly sad to only dance ballet. After two years in Mannheim, I went to Hamburg, first to John Neumeier's ballet school, then as a dancer in the Federal Youth Ballet.
A top address for a ballerino.
N.B.:
Yes, but for me it was like a roller coaster ride downwards. I don’t know why, but I locked myself into this tight box that is the ballet world. There is so much body shaming there, you have to have a very specific body and my body was apparently never good enough. I was supposed to have more muscle mass, to get strong. That scared me. I resisted it, but I couldn’t explain to anyone why I didn’t want to change my body like that. For trans women like me, there is simply no place in ballet.
Did you go to Wuppertal because ballet is trained here, but the actual Pina Bausch style is quite different?
N.B.:
I was already a fan of Pina Bausch's dance theater when I was a teenager in Brazil and discovered YouTube clips of her works. When I then came to Wuppertal, it was like magic, I fell in love with the city immediately.
Here you have now come out as well.
N.B.:
Yes, I spoke with the then-director Bettina Wagner-Bergelt. I was terribly nervous; after all, people like me can be fired just because we are trans. I said: 'Bettina, I am going to transform into a woman.' She said: 'I know.' And I started to cry.
You were celebrated for your women's solos in Pina Bausch's choreography 'Sweet Mambo.' But also for your interpretation of 'Orpheus' in the piece 'Orpheus and Eurydice.' Will you continue to perform as both a man and a woman?
N.B.:
No, 'Orpheus' was the most difficult thing I have ever done. I never want to dance that again.
Why not?
N.B.:
Because it is a male role, and because I had to be almost naked for it. But I feel extremely uncomfortable topless.
How would you like to be seen by the audience when you dance: as a woman?
N.B.:
No. As a trans woman. There is pressure in society to look cisgender and to imitate women in order to be accepted. But I do not want that.
Do you see your performances as a political statement?
N.B.:
Of course, my body is political. Because I am trans, because I am an immigrant. We don’t have to say anything, we just have to be there.
You could now become a poster girl for the trans activists' scene.
N.B.:
That's not me, but I really wish there were more people like me in large cultural institutions. We need to be more visible in order to be role models for others.
Your performance in "Sweet Mambo" was a beginning
N.B.:
"Sweet Mambo" was a dream I never wanted to wake up from. I have never felt so at one with myself as when dancing in this piece. I finally had no fear of being judged. I was simply myself.
